Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She's the barista slut.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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