it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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