It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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