I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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