if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
It's official drugs can't kill me
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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