The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
