A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
