Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
