Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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