Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
