He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
