next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Damn victory sex feels great
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
