we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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