i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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