I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
