I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I want to fling myself into the sun
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
