The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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