After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
