You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
