No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize