We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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