I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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