pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
