i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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