Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
