Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
