Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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