That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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