I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
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