There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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