The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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