all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize