well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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