Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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