thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
