It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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