I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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