i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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