I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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