Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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