I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
