whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize