at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
