he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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