Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
