Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
