If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
