It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
