so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
