so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
