I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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