Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
