I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
