Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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