we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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