you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
