It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
