Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
