Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
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