dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
