Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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