He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
3 2 1 whiskey
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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