Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
COCAINE IS GR8
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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