We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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