using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
